July 24, 2024
Whether it is within the context of a school, a community center, a religious institution, or a sports team – those of us who serve children and teens know the importance of developing open communication with youth. If we want to get kids the care and attention they need and offset instances of bullying, ostracization, depression, and the like, we need to invite kids to talk to us. We need to offer them a safe space to express their thoughts and feelings, without fear of judgment. Sometimes, this is easier said than done.
Simply telling young people that you welcome them to share their hearts with you is not always enough. Many of them have underdeveloped confidence and don’t know how to articulate themselves. There might also be other serious, underlying barriers to communication that take a while to identify.
In order to create healthier and more secure environments for the youth we serve, we often need a clearer understanding of exactly what kinds of challenges we may be facing. People are complicated, and getting them to communicate effectively can be too. Below are a few issues you might want to keep an eye out for as you seek to get children and teenagers talking to you about what they are experiencing and needing in your organization.
Individualism and Collectivism:
If the adolescents you serve were raised in households with a more Western, individualistic culture, they could have their own unique reasons to be afraid of offering you open feedback. The rugged individualism that often is in the air (so to speak) can subliminally convey a message that “it’s all on your shoulders to figure life out.” People with this mindset may strive to prove their competency and their resourcefulness, without being highly developed in a value for healthy inter-dependence on others.
You may ask a child who is heavily influenced by individualism, “How are things going for you? Is there anything I can do to help?” The child may not even have it on their radar to think that their emotional struggles or relationship problems are within the category that you can give them support in. They may live with the pressure to have everything figured out all by themselves, and feel deficient (and therefore ashamed) when anyone sees a sign that they do not have it all figured out. Recognizing this situation can help an adult have patience with a child and ask more specific questions to open up the conversation further.
If a child is from a more collectivist culture, where extended families live together and the whole proverbial “village” raises children together, you will face different obstacles. It may be very hard to get a straightforward answer if you ask, “How are things going at home?” Or, if you ask, “What do you think of what we talked about in class? Did you agree with what was said?” Kids from these cultures might have a much stronger value for honoring their elders (such as parents, coaches, teachers, or administrators), and might not feel as free to say something that could offend an adult. For these reasons, they may need a little extra clarification that their honest perspective is wanted and welcome.
The Impact of Gender Norms
Another issue that may come into play is the gender of the child. Unfortunately, both boys and girls might sometimes fear being judged for how they express themselves, though for different reasons. Boys might avoid discussing experiences of being victims of bullying or harassment to avoid being seen as weak. They may experience more pressure to “be tough” and not get too emotional. Often, they receive messaging that encourages them to stay cool and collected and to shy away from vulnerability. These are all issues an adult in their life may have to be on the lookout for, in order to really get to the bottom of what they are going through.
Girls, on the other hand, might refrain from talking about experiences that involve anger or aggression. These emotions are often not aligned with traditional expectations of “nice,” conventionally feminine young ladies. A young woman may feel afraid of asserting herself and being honest, for fear of being perceived as a “drama queen.” Or, in especially toxic environments, she may have picked up on the idea that if she speaks her mind too much she is disrespecting men and does not “know her place.”
Other Common Communication Barriers
There are many other common, basic barriers to communication that any child might deal with. Here are just a few:
Lack of Trust
If students do not feel sure that their concerns will be taken seriously or handled confidentially, they are less likely to communicate openly with adults.
Social Stigma
Concerns about being labeled a "snitch" or being socially ostracized by peers can discourage students from speaking up about problems they observe or experience.
Language Differences
When students are not fluent in the primary language used outside the home, they may struggle to convey their thoughts accurately. This can result in feelings of isolation and frustration, which further inhibit their willingness to seek help or report issues.
Emotional Distress
When students are experiencing high levels of stress, anxiety, or other emotional difficulties, they might find it challenging to articulate their concerns clearly. The overwhelming nature of their emotions can make it difficult for them to find the right words. This can result in unmet needs and unresolved issues, further exacerbating their distress.
Identifying these barriers is key to creating a safe, trustworthy, and supportive environment where students feel empowered to speak freely.
Offering Assistance Where It’s Lacking
In summary, any number of issues could be at play in why children seem to sometimes hold back helpful information from the adults who are serving them. Recognizing these barriers is the first step in addressing them.
It’s crucial that we all keep an eye out for the variety of factors that could be influencing each individual we work with, and begin to find ways to gently and considerately invite them to share more authentically. This will help us overcome one-size-fits-all expectations, and learn to better meet our youth where they are at.
Our unique student support platform, known as HELPme, is an essential tool for your organization to effectively empower young people to speak up. Delivered on a highly configurable mobile interface, HELPme serves critical, tailored support and resources to students, families, and staff. This app trains all users on the importance of reaching out for assistance, and it provides a safe way to practice doing so from one’s first interaction with the school or organization they are joining. 
Whether it is for everyday needs such as food, transportation, clothing, shelter, medical, or mental health needs – help is made available at the push of a button. To learn more, sign up today for our free comprehensive guide.
